Desperation in the Sunlight

If only we could actually become
like those birds in the canyons flying
away from our own worlds. If only
we could fly away from them, "ignoring"
it all and travelling somewhere... anywhere...
perhaps toward a heaven of our own.

It seems that with flight, comes new beginnings,
"baby birds" out of our own meditative thoughts.

This is very original, deep, spiritual poetry.

I give it 5 stars for Vision because the way I
have interpreted it has a very strong meaning and
purpose, a truth, and the birds were excellent
metaphors for something that is a universal truth.

I give it 3 stars for Originality because the metaphors
used with the birds were excellent, but its used as
a metaphor symbolizing "flying away" and "aloofness"
from problems and depression is perhaps not as
original, thus, not quite 5 stars.

I give it 3 stars for Technique because that although
it was very well wrote, the first stanza is wrote in an
open-form while the second stanza begins to rhyme.
I understand that this is a completely personal judgement
on my part, and that others might actually find it to be
a good poetical technique, but I find it to have a reducing
effect on its harmony and balance.

I give it 5 stars for Impact becasue of its spirituality,
the philosophy and relatability this has to my own
thoughts and experiences.

Beautiful work. Thank you for sharing this.